Relationships come with their fair bit of highs and lows. No one is perfect and neither is the relationship. And when you throw in pregnancy, things are never the same. Some couples easily cope with the changes, while for others, it may be a little harder. You may find yourself dealing with a selfish husband during pregnancy.
Pregnancy itself is hard enough and having an inconsiderate husband during pregnancy can make things more difficult.
Why It’s Important To Have A Supportive Partner While Pregnant
Being pregnant is the most beautiful thing that you and your husband can share. However, it can be the most stressful, crazy, and often, rough time in the relationship.
Pregnancy hormones are real and they may make a woman experience things she’s never felt before. Some women have a hard time coping with pregnancy symptoms, while others may experience complications while pregnant.
A stable and supportive relationship during pregnancy will make a woman feel loved. She will also be able to deal with the struggles of pregnancy better. On the other hand, a woman who doesn’t feel supported will become more vulnerable which could lead to Maternal emotional distress.
Reasons Why Your Husband Is Not Being Supportive During Pregnancy
There are various reasons why your partner may become selfish or unsupportive while you are pregnant. They include:
He is afraid of responsibility
Having a baby is not easy for both of you. It comes with its fair bit of financial and emotional responsibility. If your husband doesn’t have a consistent source of income, he may be wondering whether he will be able to provide for an extra being and how all this will affect his lifestyle.
He may be feeling guilty
If you are having pregnancy complications, your partner may be feeling responsible for putting you in this situation. Being on bed-rest or worse still, having to go through terrible nausea may be hard on him. He may be blaming himself for it.
He is not prepared to share you
The birth of a newborn signifies a major shift in a relationship. Your focus and affection will mostly move to the newborn. Your husband may not be ready to have your divided attention. He may be afraid that the baby will take all the love from you.
Timing of your pregnancy
Did you have an unplanned pregnancy? Did contraception fail? Was this pregnancy an attempt to save your failing marriage or relationship? Did you knowingly manipulate your birth control to get pregnant without his knowledge?
All the above factors play a major role and could make the situation easier or complicated depending on your answers. You may be having an inconsiderate husband during pregnancy because you went behind his back and conceived without his knowledge.
Changes in the way you relate physically
Pregnancies are unique and while some women experience a high libido, others never seem to want any form of physical intimacy with their partners.
One may be constantly nauseated and bloated and may not feel physically attracted to their spouses. On the other hand, your partner may be feeling intimately neglected and may be worried that this will continue once the baby is in the picture.
He is afraid of the unknown
If this is your first child, all the pregnancy and parenting information may feel overwhelming for your partner. He may seem like a selfish husband during pregnancy because he doesn’t have the slightest clue of how to help.
He may have had a difficult childhood
If your partner had a complicated childhood, he is probably worried about their child going through the same. It may also be hard for him relieving those not-so-good memories of his childhood.
He doesn’t have anyone to look up to
Your partner may not have a good relationship with his father. He may also not be close to anyone who is a father. Being the only one among his peers expecting a child doesn’t make it any easier. He may be worried that he will not be a good father.
He is afraid of losing his independence
A baby comes with many responsibilities. One of them is being there for the child. If your partner is outgoing and very social, he may be worried that once the baby comes, he may not always available to his friends.
He may feel rejected
Your partner may in their mind translate that you do not love them as much as you did before you got pregnant. If this is not your first baby, they may start recalling how you seemed oblivious to their needs in previous pregnancies.
Your partner feels trapped
Maybe your partner had plans to end the relationship and then you got pregnant. Now all he feels for you is resentment no wonder he is being inconsiderate when you need him.
He is worried about passing a genetic disorder
If your husband’s family has an inheritable genetic condition, he may be afraid his child may end up with the disorder.
He is having an affair
All too often, we are blind to see that our partners may be cheating even if all the tell-tale signs are in black and white. If you have a selfish husband during pregnancy he probably is cheating on you.
Now that I’ve shared some of the reasons why your partner is being selfish while you are pregnant, you probably have identified some possible causes for his behavior. How then can you handle an inconsiderate husband during pregnancy?
How To Deal With A Selfish Husband During Pregnancy
Talk it out
Men are different. Some men will know how to handle a pregnant woman while others have no clue what to do to be helpful. If your husband is being distant, it is time to talk. Let him know what you need and give him time to talk.
Listen to him and avoid sounding too negative or accusing him. You will be surprised when he finally opens up and talks as well.
Give him enough time to come around
If you recently discovered you’re pregnant, he may not be feeling excited especially if it was unplanned or if the relationship wasn’t stable.
He is still trying to figure out his next course of action. As earlier said, he may be worrying about his ability to provide for the child. Maybe giving him time to adjust is all is needed.
Take some online pregnancy courses together
There are several pregnancy courses you can buy online. There are other offline courses as well. Whatever you both prefer, taking pregnancy courses can be a good way to make your husband start being supportive during pregnancy.
Go for doctor’s appointments together
Perhaps if he hears what the doctor has to say he will finally understand it “real.” Even better is when he sees the baby through an ultrasound. This may help him feel connected to the child.
Get couple therapy
Sometimes, this whole thing can get overwhelming and your husband doesn’t seem to turn around. You may feel like you are dealing with the pregnancy all alone and feel resentment towards your partner. If you are getting to this point, it’s time to try professional counseling.
Separating While Pregnant
Sadly, some couples end up splitting while pregnant. If your husband is pushing you to make an uncomfortable decision, then it’s time to go separate ways. You shouldn’t be forced to have an ABORTION.
Also, if there is domestic abuse involved, you need to leave ASAP. No one has a right to lay their hands on you. Some men start being abusive during pregnancy while others, the abuse gets worse during pregnancy.
It may be difficult to accept what is happening, and as much as you want things to work out, they CLEARLY aren’t at this point. Walking out may be the only right thing to do to save both you and your child’s life.
Remember, there is no SHAME in walking away from an abusive relationship. And it is not your fault.
PS: Separation while pregnant is EXTREMELY HARD. If your partner is not abusing you, I suggest that you wait it out until you have the baby and then see how he behaves.
You should enjoy your pregnancy, but it can be hard when your husband isn’t as supportive as you had envisioned. If still after trying all the above tips, your spouse doesn’t support you, then it’s time to ignore him. Turn to your family and friends for all the help you need.
Do not try to be a superwoman. It certainly won’t work when you are pregnant. Take more care of yourself than you ever have. If you can afford, throw in some extra massage sessions. Maybe this will be a wake-up call for him to come around when he realizes your whole world doesn’t revolve around him anymore.
Soon this will be over and your selfish husband during pregnancy will feel like the FOOL he was. For now, DO NOT STRESS. Take care of yourself and your baby. You got it, girl!
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